Episode 04 - Healing and Understanding Your Inner Child and the Role of Your Emotions with Joan Mwangi
Sep 25, 2023
In this episode, Inner Child expert Joan Mwangi and I continue our conversation about emotions, and discuss various facets of emotional intelligence and self-awareness that offer insights and strategies to nurture emotional well-being and connection with your authentic self. From understanding the significance of recognizing and embracing emotions to exploring the benefits of asking the powerful question, "How am I feeling?" We also examine the consequences of suppressing emotions and the impact of parental projections onto children's emotional landscapes.
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Did you know that true emotions typically last for about 90 seconds? When we allow ourselves to feel and process emotions without judgment it takes about 1 1/2 minutes.
Children, particularly toddlers, are excellent examples of this concept. When children experience emotions, they fully embody them, expressing joy or sadness without inhibition. They move through their emotions quickly, not holding onto them or creating stories around them.
Unfortunately, societal conditioning often leads individuals to suppress or avoid feeling certain emotions. For example, the idea of the "terrible twos" labels children as difficult when they express strong emotions, leading them to internalize negative beliefs about their feelings. This pattern can continue into adulthood, where individuals may turn to distractions like overworking, overeating, or substance abuse to avoid confronting their emotions.
To address this pattern, people can practice "micro moments," where individuals check in with themselves regularly, especially during work or other busy activities. By pausing to acknowledge and process their emotions in the moment, individuals can uncover the root causes of their behaviors, such as overworking, and begin to address them. This practice allows individuals to break free from the cycle of avoidance and judgment surrounding their emotions.
It’s also important to create a safe space for oneself to experience and process emotions without fear of judgment. By embracing the idea that emotions are temporary and allowing oneself to fully feel them, individuals can cultivate a healthier relationship with their emotional experiences and promote overall well-being.
Joan emphasizes the significance of observing young children, particularly two-year-olds, as they are a masterclass in expressing emotions authentically. Children openly display their emotions without fear of judgment or suppression, moving through them quickly and without creating stories around them. This natural ability to feel and express emotions without inhibition serves as a powerful example of how emotions should be processed.
In this episode you’ll learn
Emotions Last 90 Seconds: One of the most profound insights shared in this episode is the idea that true emotions only last 90 seconds. Children are a perfect example of this, as they quickly move through their emotions without creating stories around them. As adults, we often suppress our emotions or create elaborate stories to avoid feeling them, leading to emotional blockages and patterns.
Creating Emotional Safety: We discussed the importance of creating emotional safety for ourselves and others. By allowing ourselves to feel our emotions without judgment and providing a safe space for others to do the same, we can break free from the cycle of emotional suppression and unhealthy coping mechanisms like overworking or substance abuse.
Unpacking Emotional Inheritance: The episode highlighted the concept of emotional inheritance, where our childhood experiences and societal norms shape our emotional responses and behaviors. By exploring our emotional roots and understanding where our patterns originate, we can begin to rewrite our stories and create healthier emotional connections with ourselves and others.
It’s deeply important to acknowledge and process suppressed emotions, especially those rooted in childhood experiences. By creating safe spaces for yourself to explore and express your emotions, you can begin the journey towards personal growth, healing, and breaking free from the cycle of emotional suppression.
In this episode, we discuss:
[00:03:37] Good is not a feeling.
[00:07:45] Connecting with emotions and body.
[00:09:43] Letting Children Embrace Emotions.
[00:15:12] Coping mechanisms and grief.
[00:21:31] Parenting and children's emotions.
[00:26:10] Suppressed emotions and storytelling.
[00:29:38] Emotions and unconscious beliefs.
[00:36:02] Cultural differences in child-rearing.
[00:41:54] Emotional inheritance.
[00:44:10] Creating safe emotional spaces.
[00:49:02] Embracing joy and vulnerability.
[00:55:49] Overworking to avoid feeling inadequate.
[01:04:02] Creating emotional space.
[01:06:10] Tools for unpacking emotions.
[01:09:00] Uncovering emotions and authenticity.
Quotes:
"Because we are disconnected from our own feelings, our own bodies, and our own emotions." - Joan Mwangi
"We have a tendency to project our stuff onto our children." - Joan Mwangi
"You kind of touched on the emotion. The emotion was sorrow, but you really didn't dig into sorrow. You just kind of bypass sorrow, which is what we do." - LaShonda Walker
"A lot of emotional suppression is based on not feeling safe." - Joan Mwangi
"We tell little boys, be strong. You're the man of the house now when their dad has died. What the heck does that mean? What does that mean? What kind of burden is that you're putting on a child?" - Joan Mwangi
"A lot of the illnesses we see is because the body has kept score and that suppression of emotion manifests physically as illness.” - LaShonda Walker
"Let people feel their feelings. and if their feelings do not match yours, it's okay." - Joan Mwangi
"I don't feel safe. And that's why I'm in uncomfortable emotion." - Joan Mwangi
Guest Information:
Resources:
Spare the Kids: Why Whupping Children Won’t Save Black America
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma
Human Systems Emotions Wheels